DAY 4 (Mike's Journal)

Mike’s Journal
DAY 4

DATE: Saturday, August 25, 2012
TIME: 8:33 pm

A. OPENING THOUGHTS/OBSERVATIONS: Today’s physical work focused on my shoulders. Easy workout. The Interactive Emotional work will deal with Disempowering Emotions: identifying them, applying them, overcoming them. Even though I’ll be writing about many different emotions, my Course in Miracles studies identifies a choice between Love (Right Mindedness) and Fear (Wrong Mindedness). More on this come. The 17 emotions I use in this text are taken from and inspired by the book Power vs. Force. All the subtle emotions are methods in which the ego uses to complicate the choice between Love/Oneness and Fear/Separateness.

I’m grateful to go on to the “next chapter” of this program. My goals, though inspiring to me in the long-term, were failing to give me the short-term "boost" in my workouts. Don't get me wrong, my workout yesterday was more effective than before starting this Quest. However, the immediate "rush" was missing from DAY 1.

My body is feeling sore from the upgrade in reps and intensity. This shows my muscles are being worked more effectively. I also performed ninety minutes of cardio today.

B. DREAM ENTRY:

I dreamed that I was flying again. I was also able to shape shift into a falcon. After reading up on the internet about what a Falcon Animal Totem means, it seems my subconscious is acknowledging that my vision is expanding and becoming clearer. I don’t know if that’s true from a worldly perspective but I do feel I’m more aware of my spiritual life and seeing things clearly from this spiritual perspective.

C. During your workout today we will focus on perceived “negative” emotions such as Shame, Guilt, Apathy, Grief, Fear, and Desire/Greed. The purpose of today is not dwell on these emotions but to be able to identify them when they come up at critical moments in your Quest. Remember, the ego likes to keep feelings like these hidden. Today our purpose is to shine light on these emotions which the ego hides in order to see you fail in your Quest.

***

The Workout

Focus on ________Shoulders/Abs____________________

1. Exercise 1: ______ Dumbbell Shoulder Press__________

___4___ Sets of ____12_____ Reps

“Shame”

The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.

Identify what “Shame” means to you. You can describe it in terms of how it feels in your body. You can come up with images you might have seen while feeling it. You might even identify “Shame” by coming up with a quote you might have heard while feeling it, like your mother saying, “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Be specific in what you might have done, or been accused of, that made you feel this feeling.

After Set 1: Create your own definition of “Shame”.

(a) Shame is the feeling of complete separation from Source, or God. It is the heaviest of emotions and one where I feel pain in every inch of my being.

After Set 2: Describe the feeling of “Shame”.

(b) Shame is a "heavy", "sharp", and "gnawing" emotion. I feel shame in my heart, throat and solar plexus.

After Set 3: Identify moments when you’ve felt “Shame”.

(c) I felt ashamed in the past from not working out when I really wanted to. There are other things that I will acknowledge in private as I want to forgive them without making the details public.

After Set 4 (or between sets): Are you ashamed of anything right now? If so, what might that be?

(d) Sometimes I feel shame because I don’t look like a bodybuilder. (Barrier to the goal: “Increased Confidence”.)


2. Exercise 2: Machine Shoulder Press

___4___ Sets of ___10-12__ Reps

“Guilt”

The fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially if against moral or penal law; culpability.After Set 1: Create your own definition of “Guilt”.

(a) Guilt is a little “duller” than Shame. Rather than a sharp, bleeding stab that I would describe as “Shame”, “Guilt” is a more nagging, surface pain.

After Set 2: Describe the feeling of “Guilt”.

(b) Guilt makes my breathing shallow. Guilt is felt in my heart and shoulders.

After Set 3: Identify moments when you’ve felt “Guilt”.

(c) Consciously I avoid feeling guilt. I feel guilt in not being able to follow through on programs like this. I feel guilt in not fulfilling some of the promises I've made in the past based on my “incurable optimism” to set goals beyond my reach and abilities. (Barrier to the goal: “Become a New Person in 30 Days.”)

After Set 4 (or between sets): Are you feeling guilty of anything right now? If so, what might that be?

(d) I feel guilty about rushing through my workouts sometimes. I feel guilty about not pushing myself hard enough.


3. Exercise 3: ______ ___Shoulder Shrugs____________________

___4__ Sets of ___10-12___ Reps

“Apathy”

Absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement. Lack of interest or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.

After Set 1: Create your own definition of “Apathy”.

(a) A “dead” feeling. Tired, sluggish, and numb. It’s almost a medication for Guilt and Shame because it numbs the pain.

After Set 2: Describe the feeling of “Apathy”.

(b) Apathy is a “flatness” of passion. I sometimes feel apathy in the back of my head.

After Set 3: Identify moments when you’ve felt “Apathetic”.

(c) I’ve become apathetic about my acting career. Once I got to a certain age I stopped caring about how good my performances were.

After Set 4 (or between sets): Are you feeling apathetic about anything right now? If so, what might that be?

(d) Apathy sets in when I feel like I’ve never truly succeeded in what really want to do. This is an ongoing feeling. (Barrier to Increased Confidence, Become a New Person.)


4. Exercise 4: ______ _Dumbbell Lateral Raises_______________

___3__ Sets of ___10-12___ Reps

“Grief”

Keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.

After Set 1: Create your own definition of “Grief”.

(a) Grief is almost a positive emotion. I think of it as a powerful release from Shame, Guilt, or Apathy. To me it feels strong, like an emotional orgasm.

After Set 2: Describe the feeling of “Grief”.

(b) Grief makes me cry profusely. It can be overwhelming. Grief can be cleansing. Again, it can be a release of guilt or shame.

After Set 3: Identify moments when you’ve felt a “Grieving”.

(c) I’ve grieved over loss of close relationships - both friendships and loving relationships.

After Set 4 (or between sets): Are you grieving about anything right now? If so, what might that be?

(d) I can’t say that I’m grieving over anything right now. When I think about it I sometimes grieve over my childlike optimism I once had. The loss of innocence is a common theme of people's grief.


5. Exercise 5: ______ __Jackknife Sit-ups__________________

___3__ Sets of ____15___ Reps

“Fear”

A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

After Set 1: Create your own definition of “Fear”.

(a) Fear is an energetic emotion that hits you like a whirlwind, either heightening your senses or overloading them.

After Set 2: Describe the feeling of “Fear”.

(b) Fear is felt in my heart and gut. Fear does make my concentration heighten along with my energy and emotions. Almost like a hyper-active feeling. “Anxiety” might be a synonymous word for fear by my definition.

After Set 3: Identify moments when you’ve felt “Fear”.

(c) In ninth grade when I would be harassed at every turn in high school by a gang of bullies.

After Set 4 (or between sets): Are you fearful about anything right now? If so, what might that be?

(d) I fear that my work will be overshadowed by people with better physiques than mine. (Barrier to all goals.)


6. Exercise 6: ______ _Rope Kneeling Crunch____________

___3__ Sets of ____15___ Reps

“Desire” or “Greed”

Definition of “Desire”: 

To wish or long for; crave; want. To express a wish to obtain; ask for; request.

Definition of “Greed”:

Excessive or rapacious desire, especially for wealth and possessions.

After Set 1: Create your own definition of “Desire” and “Greed”.

(a) An all consuming distraction. Concentration gets blurry while vision is clouded.

After Set 2: Describe the feeling of either “Desire”, “Greed” or both.

(b) Greed is felt in my heart and throat. Greed can never feel satiated while it overwhelms logic. (Barrier to “Becoming Smarter”.)

After Set 3: Identify moments when you’ve felt “Desire”, “Greed”, or both.

(c) I can greatly identify with Greed and Desire because of my desire for money, love, and attention. I will write specifics in my personal journal while choosing not to list them here.

After Set 4 (or between sets): Are you a desire for or greedy about anything right now? If so, what might that be?

(d) I desire to write this book right now. I desire to build a career doing this kind of work combining working out with emotional centering. Desire might make me vain during this process. (Barrier to “Becoming a Different Person”.)

 
DIET JOURNAL: (log in any foods you consumed for the day)

Greek Yogurt
Protein Bar
Chicken Breasts
Chicken and Pasta
Protein Bar
Energy Bar


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